Subject: Family » Mothers (Page 4)

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Eating Food/Drink Mothers Ugly

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill – “He wants his mother.”

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family Fathers Mothers

Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Family Mothers Relationships

From time to time, my mother puts on her wedding dress; not because she’s sentimental, she just gets really far behind on her laundry.

comedian
Family Mothers

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family Mothers Old

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Death Husbands Mothers

Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Eating Food/Drink Mothers

Do not nurse a kid who wears braces.

Children Family Mothers Situations

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother’s face through the oven window as we played hide-and-seek and she said, ‘You’re getting warmer.’

(1964 – ) English comedian
Family Mothers

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them; my mother cleans them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Family Housework Mothers

My mother was the worst cook ever; in school, when we traded lunches, I had to throw in an article of clothing.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Clothing Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Mothers Success

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.

Mothers Murphy’s Laws People

As my mother used to say, ‘You’ll get unconditional love from me when you’ve earned it.

(1954 – ) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Family Mothers Relationships

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Housework Mothers

If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

(1964 – ) American country music singer
Family Mothers

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Children Family Mothers

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Family Government Mothers Politicians President

It’s better to be black than gay, because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

(1926 – 1999) actor, comedian & female impersonator
Family Mothers

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Mothers Self