Subject: Family » Mothers (Page 4)

When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring; when she was in a good mood it turned blue… in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

comedian

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president

I’ve been like a mother to that girl. I’ve locked her in her room, told her she was fat, and once I even left her in a store!

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

The Good Mommies’ Guide To Raising (Almost) Perfect Daughters

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them; my mother cleans them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Moms Who Drink and Swear

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

(1908 – 1999) English writer

I get on very well with my parents, give or take my mother.

English comedian & actor

I’ve been here eight months and have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn’t handle my mother.

comedian & television writer

You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

Mother, there are terrorist cells that are more nurturing than you are.

(1958 – ) American actor & producer

My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate; I said ‘Just wait.’

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

When I was a kid, I got no respect. I told my mother I’m gonna run away from home. She said, “On your mark…”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Raised by two mothers? … Wow, most of us barely survive one.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I know how to do anything — I’m a mom.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician