Subject: Family (Page 14)

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Television TV/Movie Quotes

Baby: Morning caller, noonday crawler, midnight bawler.

Children Definitions Family

It's better to go when you have to go – than to go and find you've already gone.

Children Murphy’s Laws Travel

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author
Family Relationships

Bud, don't be jealous, you're both of our children. It's just that Kelly's our favorite now.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Children TV/Movie Quotes

I thought when I was 41, I would be married with kids… well, to be honest I thought I would be married with weekend access.

(1965 – ) British-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Children Family Marriage

After you have children, the economic law reverses to Demand and Supply.

writer
Children Family

Where there’s a will – there’s a relative!

(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer
Death Family

Every Sunday my dad calls to ask if I went to church; and every Sunday I lie and say: “Sorry. Wrong Number.”

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Family Fathers

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Children Family

A father is a banker provided by nature.

Family Fathers Proverbs

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

A lot of people think kids say the darnedest things, but so would you if you had no education.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Children Education Family Intelligence Speech

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Parents Self Understanding

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had… so he sent me to a girls school.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Education Fathers School

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

Family Mothers Proverbs

My wife and I decided we don’t want children; if someone wants them, we’ll drop them off tomorrow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Children Family

Parents: People who use the rhythm method of birth control.

Family Parents

When I was a kid my family said having feelings was an act of treason.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Family Self

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn’t have anything to do with it.

(1922 – 1973) Israeli teacher & child psychologist
Age Family Parents