Subject: Family (Page 14)

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Children Family Parents

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

You know a man is a redneck if his mama keeps a spit-can on the ironin' board.

(1926 – 1998) American country comedian
Family Mothers People Rednecks

Enough is never enough.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations

I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Children Family

You don’t have favorites among your children but you do have allies.

(1975 – ) British novelist
Children Family

Marry your son when you will, but your daughter when you can.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Family Marriage Relationships

Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

When traveling with children… at least one child of any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly halfway between any two given rest areas.

Activities Children Family Murphy’s Laws Travel

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.

Children Family

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Age Children Family Past Young

My mother had to send me to the movies with my birth certificate, so that I wouldn’t have to pay the extra fifty cents the adults had to pay.

(1947 – ) basketball player, coach & actor
Age Appearance Children Family

They were the type of children who would kill both parents and make you feel sorry for them because they were orphans.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Children Family

My two sisters’ idea of birth control is apparently a bottle of tequila and the rhythm method of Barry White.

American comedian & television host
Children Family

The worst misfortune that can happen to an ordinary man is to have an extraordinary father.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Family Fathers Situations

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Eating Food/Drink Money

An ugly baby is a very nasty object – and the prettiest is frightful.

(1819 – 1901) English monarch of the United Kingdom
Children Family

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.

writer
Family Parents Success

By the tine the youngest children have learned to keep the house tidy, the oldest grandchildren are on hand to tear it to pieces.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Children Family