Subject: Family (Page 24)

Fathers should neither be seen nor heard; that is the only proper basis for family life.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Family Fathers

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker
Children Dating Family Men People Travel Women

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

Any kid will run any errand for you if you ask at bedtime.

(1913 – 1997) American comedian & radio & television host
Children Family

Parents: One of the hardships of a minor’s life.

Definitions Family Parents

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Autos Children Things

A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.

Children Family

Toddlers Are A**holes: It’s Not Your Fault

Book Titles Children Family

If it weren’t for baseball, many kids wouldn’t know what a millionaire looked like.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Baseball Children Money Sports Wealth

Familiarity breeds contempt… and children.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Children People Sex

There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Children Family Parents

There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family

Kids are great. That's one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet. It's a shame they have to grow up to be regular people and come to the games and call you names.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Children Sports

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

My mother was like a sister to me… only we didn’t have sex quite so often.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Mothers Sex

We've had bad luck with our kids… they've all grown up.

(1890 – 1957) author & journalist
Age Children People

It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Appearance Characteristics Mothers

If in America you are what you drive, then in Parentland, you are what you push.

(1957 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Children Family Parents

I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Arms Children People Things

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Family Parents

I am fond of children (except boys).

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer
Children Family