Subject: Family (Page 29)

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Family

SPIT HAPPENS

Children Family Signs

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

(1900 – 1944) French aristocrat, writer, poet & pioneering aviator
Children Family Intelligence Parents

There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Family Relationships

The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother.

(John Bloom) (1953 – ) American film critic, writer & actor
Conflict Family Fights

My parents were very protective; I couldn’t even cross the street without them getting all excited and… placing bets.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family People Self

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

Kids Are Turds: Brutally Honest Humor for the Pooped-Out Parent

Book Titles Children

I am fond of children (except boys).

(1832 – 1898) English author, mathematician, logician & photographer
Children Family

My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Characteristics Family Mothers

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist
Children Family

Everyone talks about dead-beat dads; what about the kids who just aren’t worth the child support?

American comedian & writer
Children Divorce Family Marriage

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Family Fathers Golf Sports

Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

Family Planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Children Definitions Family

You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.

Mothers Murphy’s Laws People

Then we figured out we could just park them in front of the TV; that's how I was raised and I turned out TV.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Children Television TV/Movie Quotes

Kids are wonderful… I like mine barbecued.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Children Family

Whatever is on the floor will wind up in your baby’s mouth; whatever is in your baby’s mouth will wind up on the floor.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Children Family

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Places Relationships