Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 6)

What the sober man thinks the drunkard tells.

Alcohol Food/Drink

There are two rules for drinking whisky: first, never take whisky without water, and second, never take water without whisky.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.

Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Death Food/Drink

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

I didn’t think prohibition would last that long.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Time

I can’t die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.

(1904 – 1995) American comedian, jazz musician & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink Self

Now, I’m what you’d call a ‘social drinker,' which means if someone says they’ll have a drink, I say, ‘So shall I.'

American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

I had the right to remain silent, but I had lost the ability to.

(1956 – ) American stand-up comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink Law

I think that I would be a good father… especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker
Alcohol Children Family Fathers

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Young

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won’t cure a cold.

(1932 – 2014) American singer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

(1547 – 1616) Spanish novelist, poet & playwright
Alcohol Food/Drink

You might be a redneck if… your your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Alcohol Beer Entertainment People Rednecks

My mom’s Jewish and my dad’s Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Alcohol Beliefs

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

A drinking contest?!? What am I, 12… and at my boyfriend's frat party?!

(1968 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.

(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Alcohol Food/Drink Government Taxes