Subject: Government (Page 22)

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everyone and still nobody likes him.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
America Government Places

The only thing a lawyer won’t question is the legitimacy of his mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Family Government Law Lawyers Mothers People

How come we choose from just two people for president, and fifty for Miss America?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government

The effectiveness of a politician varies in inverse proportion to his commitment to principle.

Government Murphy’s Laws Politicians

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government Politicians

Why is it that if you take advantage of a tax break and you’re a corporation, you’re a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something you need to not be hungry, you’re a moocher?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government Taxes

An extraordinary affair; I gave them their orders and they wanted to stay and discuss them.

(1769 – 1852) British soldier & statesman
Government

I wanted to join the Army… the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be'… they told me it wasn't enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Government Military

Jury: A body of twelve men selected to decide which of the contestants has the better lawyer.

Definitions Government Law Lawyers

Capitol: The seat of misgovernment.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Government

Why do they call it a “hate” crime, if I like doing it?

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Government Law

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.

Government Law Lawyers

This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government

If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.

Military

It says something about the Republican field that the new #1 candidate used to run the nation's #8 pizza chain.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Government

With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law it’s a joke.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Congress Emotions Government

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

Education Government Murphy’s Laws Politics

Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted "Bingo!" counted as a yea or a nay.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Age Government Insults Old

There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.

Murphy’s Laws Taxes Time