Subject: Health (Page 12)

Life is a terminal disease.

Health Life

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare.

(1949 – ) American actor & environmentalist
Food/Drink Health Insults Places

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Film Health

Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.

Health Murphy’s Laws People

You won’t be surprised that diseases are innumerable… count the cooks.

(54 BC – 39 AD) Roman orator
Food/Drink Health

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.

professional football player
Appearance Body Football Health Sports

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

I’m so frightened of disease that it’s to the point I won’t have sex with someone… unless they say… you know… “Okay.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Health Sex

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Health Insults

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.

(1920 – 2000) American actor
Death Doctors Health Money

If you don’t have a bad back by the time you’re 60, then you haven’t done anything in your life.

baseball manager
Health Work

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, and so am I.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Health

It's this disease that only white girls catch from glamour magazines.

(1966 – 2011) American stand-up comedian
Health

As I understand President Bush's Medicare plan, it provides for unlimited coverage for anyone over 72 whose parents can pass the physical.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
Age Government Health Old

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

(1930 – ) actor, writer, film & television director
Characteristics Health

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

Germs attack people where they're weakest – which is why there are so many head colds.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Health Intelligence

There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Alcohol Health Misspokements Sports