Subject: Health (Page 12)

Arthritis: Twinges in the hinges.

Definitions Health

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health Wordplay

Do you think that suppository is gonna be safe from me there, Edith?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Misspokements TV/Movie Quotes

If medicine has made so much progress in the last 30 years, how come I felt better 30 years ago?

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Health

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome, it started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Health

Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician.

(1664 – 1721) English poet & diplomat
Death Doctors Health

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Health

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

I'm beginning to have morning sickness… I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Health

I'm the boy in the bubble without the bubble.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Health

[Chickenpox] is the only disease that says,‘You know what, we did our thing once and now I’m out of here forever, peace.’

(1983 – ) American comedian & actor
Health

My doctor gave me two weeks to live… I hope they're in August.

comedian
Death Doctors Health

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Beliefs Health Religion

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Health Time

If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better; but don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Health

Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Definitions Health Science/Weather

This weekend I pulled a muscle in my cheeks trying to smile.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health

Some hospitals are so crowded that the only way you can get in is by accident.


Health Wordplay