Subject: Insults (Page 25)

I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at storks.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

His writing is rumble and bumble, flap and doodle, balder and dash.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Insults Reading/Writing

When he does smile, he looks as if he's just evicted a widow.

(1932 – 1997) newspaper columnist
Insults

If a comic tells a joke, and no one is there to hear it, is Nick DiPaolo on stage?

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Insults

I can always tell when the mother-in-law’s coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Family Insults

Ah, Victor, still struggling to keep your head below water.

(1905 – 1987) Welsh dramatist & actor
Insults

A monstrous orchid.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Insults

She looks like something that would eat its young.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Appearance Insults

Judge: You are extremely offensive, young man!

Smith: As a matter of fact we both are; but I am trying to be, and you can’t help it.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Insults

Edward Woodward… Edward Woodward… sounds like a fart in the bath.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Insults

Like rotten mackerel by moonlight, he shines and stinks.

(1773 – 1833) British politician
Insults

The Russians have a weapon that can wipe out two hundred eighty thousand Americans… that puts them exactly ten years behind Howard Cosell.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Insults

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

The only proof of taste Beckford has shown with his collection is getting rid of it.

(1778 – 1830) English writer, essayist, critic, grammarian & philosopher
Art Insults

Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Insults

Why, this fellow don't know any more about politics than a pig knows about Sunday.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Insults

An enchanting toad of a man.

(1900 – 1993) American actress
Insults

One could always baffle Conrad by saying 'humour.’

(1866 – 1946) English author
Insults

Judge: Are you trying to show contempt for this court, Mr Smith?

Smith: No, My Lord. I am attempting to conceal it.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Government Insults

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

Wallowing in corruption like a rhinoceros in an African pool.

(1831 – 1902) journalist & newspaper editor
Crime Insults