Subject: Marriage » Divorce (Page 2)

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Divorce Marriage

The first one’s the hardest, then you know the routine.

(1932 – 2011) British-American actress
Divorce Marriage

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Emotions Love Marriage

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

Group sex… are you kidding, I had group sex… my wife screwed me in front of the jury.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Sex Wives

I'm not upset about my divorce; I'm only upset I'm not a widow.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Divorce Emotions Marriage

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Divorce Marriage Time Wives

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

After five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Divorce Marriage

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Divorce Marriage

Half of all marriage end in divorce – and then there are the unhappy ones.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Divorce Marriage

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

(1882 – 1942) American actor
Divorce Marriage Money Time

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Money

Remarriage is an excellent test of just how amicable your divorce was.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Divorce Marriage

Catholics don't get divorced; they stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage Religion

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives

A TV host asked my wife, “Have you ever considered divorce?” She replied: ‘Divorce never, murder, often.’

(1923 – 2008) American actor & political activist
Divorce Marriage

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage Sex

Vanessa: You have no class, Thornton, and I am tired of it! I want a divorce.

Melon: Divorce. I knew we had something in common.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage TV/Movie Quotes