Subject: Marriage (Page 2)

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

They weren't really weddings, just long costume parties.

(1920 – 2002) American singer
Marriage

I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Housework Marriage Sex

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Marriage

Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache. … I can’t believe it. Married five years. Seems like yesterday! [sighs] And you know what a lousy day yesterday was.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

I think that after the third marriage Georgie tried to claim his divorce attorney as a dependent.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Divorce Government Lawyers Marriage Taxes

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

You know that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Marriage Sex

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Marriage

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

I once gave my husband the silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Marriage

Getting married is like buying a new horse, or going into a strange saloon.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Entertainment Marriage

Tennis is like marrying for money; ‘love’ means nothing.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Emotions Love Marriage Sports

The girl who marries for money may find herself in debt for life.

writer
Marriage Money

With history one an never be certain, but I think I can safely say that Aristotle Onassis would not have married Mrs. Khrushchev.

(1925 – 2012) author, playwright, essayist & screenwriter
Marriage

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer
Characteristics Marriage

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex