Subject: Marriage (Page 21)

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage Sex

My wife was fitted with a coil… she used to pick up CB signals.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Marriage Wives

Marriage is a mistake every man should make.

(1898 – 1981) actor, singer, songwriter & movie producer
Marriage Men Mistakes

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Food/Drink Hollywood Marriage Time

Will you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife?

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Communication Marriage Wordplay

Polygamy: An endeavour to get more out of life than there is in it.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Life Marriage Wives

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Self Things Wives

Marriage is a wonderful invention; then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Marriage

And for the record, all marriages are same sex marriages; you get married, and every night, it’s the same sex.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Marriage Sex Wordplay

You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Divorce Insults Marriage

Matrimony: The splice of life.

Definitions Marriage Wordplay

I’m from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle; I’m just kidding – I don’t pay child support.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Age Children Family Marriage Places

My sister just got married; I was the maid of debt in that little event.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Marriage Money Relationships

Jess: Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.

Harry: Oh really? Well, that “symptom” is fucking my wife.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Marriage

My wife and I were happy for twenty years… before we met.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Emotions Happiness Time Wives

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Life Marriage

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me… no one showed up.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Divorce Family Marriage Parents

Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Husbands Marriage

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage People Rednecks Wives

You might be a redneck if… your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Divorce Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Marriage Men People Sex Women