Subject: Marriage (Page 32)

Marriage is the death of hope.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage

If a tree falls in the forest and hits my wife, but nobody else is around, does a chainsaw still make a noise?

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Marriage Wives

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages, but love accounts for the other third.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Marriage

Throwing rice at a wedding is a tradition… unless it’s an Asian couple, then it’s a hate crime.

comedian
Marriage

Me and my wife met at a Castanet class… we clicked.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Marriage Wives

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Death Marriage

Satan probably wouldn’t have talked so big if God had been his wife.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Marriage Wives

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

Marriage Men Murphy’s Laws People Wives

A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Marriage Men People Women

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Marriage

I understand that many newlyweds are vacationing here (Niagara Falls)… I suppose seeing the falls was their second biggest disappointment.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Husbands Marriage Wives

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Husbands Marriage Sex

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it, Whenever you're right, shut up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Happiness Marriage

He’s the most married man I ever saw in my life.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Marriage

Jess: Marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.

Harry: Oh really? Well, that “symptom” is fucking my wife.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director
Marriage

It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

(1775 – 1817) English novelist
Money Wives

The snapshots you take of your husband are always more flattering than the ones he takes of you.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Self Things Wives

The most dangerous food is wedding cake.

Marriage Proverbs

I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.

(1947 – ) Austrian-American bodybuilder, actor & politician
Marriage

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.

(1967 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & writer
Characteristics Marriage

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Marriage Wives