Subject: Marriage (Page 34)

A fool and his money are soon married.

(1862 – 1942) American author & poet
Fools Intelligence Marriage

Because if it doesn't work out, I don't want to blow the whole day.

American football player
Football Marriage Sports

One man's folly is another man's wife.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Men People Wives

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Marriage

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

I lost 28 pounds in my divorce… because that’s what a soul weighs.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Divorce Marriage

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

Sex again Peg? … we’ve been married seventeen years now; can’t we just be friends?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
Death Marriage

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage People Rednecks Wives

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

My wife has cut me down to once a month; I'm lucky…
I know two guys she cut off completely.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

You might be a redneck if… you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage People Rednecks Relationships

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Marriage Sex

My parents got divorced after 40 years… that's the longest game of chicken ever.

American comedian
Divorce Marriage

Marriage ceremony: An incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family.

Definitions Marriage

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they' ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Men

If he's stuck with the shrew, I hope he screws everything that's not tied down.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Marriage Sex

Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Emotions Love Marriage