Subject: Marriage » Wives (Page 6)

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I have good looking kids; thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My wife was too beautiful for words… but not for arguments.

(1882 – 1942) American actor

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I never meant to marry my second wife; I only meant to rob her.

(1954 – ) American comedian, writer & musician

I’ve never won an argument with her; and the only times I thought I had, I found out the argument wasn’t over yet.

(1924 – ) 39th U.S. president & humanitarian

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Wife Regrets Staying With Man She Killed

The tragedy of marriage is that while all women marry thinking that their man will change, all men marry believing their wife will never change.

(1929 – ) British military historian, cook book writer & novelist

Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

My first wife, I’ll never forget her… and I’ve tried.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Presidents don’t do it to their wives; they do it to their country.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director

Here's to our wives and sweethearts – may they never meet.

(1863 – 1915) American actor

This coat I’m wearing is a present from my wife; I came home early one night and there it was, hanging over a chair.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor

My girlfriend say’s that I’m afraid of commitment… well she’s not my girlfriend… more a wife.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

(1948 – 1990) comedian

My wife was fitted with a coil… she used to pick up CB signals.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer