Subject: Miscellaneous (Page 3)

If you lived in the Dark Ages and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, “Can’t you make it shoot farther?” “No, I’m sorry. That’s as far as it shoots.”

Miscellaneous

When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Ya-hoo! We’re rich! But it turned out to be something different.

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I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

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He's as mad as a wet hen.

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Got your feathers ruffled.

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Cow Imagination

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My mom used to stick her head in the oven. Actually she only did it the once, but it was pretty weird.

(1963 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
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I'll knock you so hard you'll see tomorrow today.

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If you’re ever giving a speech, when you start out, act nervous and get mixed up a little bit. Then, as you go along, get better and better. Then, at the end, give off a white, glowing light and have rays shoot out of you.

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Four Gotes,  Cambridgeshire, England

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Breast baby

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I'll snatch you baldheaded.

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Purtier than a peach.

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Like a bump on a log

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The Piano Has Been Drinking

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor
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Peter Marshall: Dale Evans recently revealed the three secrets behind her happy marriage with Roy Rogers. Now listen carefully… "We work together, we pray together and we're darn good…" What?

Paul Lynde: In the saddle.

(1926 – 1982) American comedian & actor
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Klaus Toppmoller: hair like David Gower and dress sense like Austin Powers.

British sports announcer
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Marryin’ an’ buryin’ hat

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I bet it’s hard to break farmers of the old superstitions like “Tornado got Old Yeller, stay in the cellar.”

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The hair is in the butter.

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Oprah Winfrey has named her new $51 million estate ‘Tara 2,’ after Scarlett O’Hara’s plantation in Gone With The Wind; meanwhile, Sally Jessy Raphael has named her new estate Apartment 4B.

(1974 – ) American comedian, actor, producer & television host
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