Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Miscellaneous
(Page 74)
It's raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Cows
Other expressions
Rain
He's gotta whole head full of simple.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
You can’t just let nature run wild.
Walter J. Hickel
(1919 – 2010) U.S. Governor (Arkansas) & Secretary of the Interior
Miscellaneous
On why he wanted officials to kill hundreds of wolves
I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they’ll know this is someone else’s territory.
Miscellaneous
Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, “You know most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.”
Yeah, I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.
Miscellaneous
Give a man a fish and it will feed him for a day, give the man a fishing rod and he will sell it for more fish, or burn it for firewood.
Jon Culshaw
(1968 – ) English impressionist & comedian
Miscellaneous
Proverbs
Fish
Gooder’n snuff and not half as dusty
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Good
Other expressions
One-third sap and two-thirds Eleanor.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Miscellaneous
On President Franklin D. Roosevelt
I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
John Petrie
Miscellaneous
It’s easy to sit and scoff at an old man’s folly… but also, check out his Adam’s apple!
Miscellaneous
We used to laugh at Grandpa when he’d head off and go fishing; but we wouldn’t be laughing that evening when he’d come back with some whore he picked up in town.
Miscellaneous
The only hope of deciphering her invitations, someone said, was to pin them up on the wall and run past them!
Rupert Hart-Davis
(1907 – 1999) English publisher & editor
Miscellaneous
On a woman’s poor handwriting
I was as surprised as if a sheep had bit me.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Cooler than a flip side of a down pillow.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Cool
Other expressions
Temperature
Knee high to a grasshopper
Country expression
Miscellaneous
I’ve known you since you were knee high to a grasshopper.
Other expressions
Size
Small
I bet Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then they would get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
Miscellaneous
like trying to herd cats
Country expression
Miscellaneous
An impossible task
Other expressions
Something very difficult
Boy howdy!
Country expression
Miscellaneous
An exclamation of enthusiastic agreement
Like “Oh man!” or Wow!
Other expressions
I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Willy-Nilly: Impotent.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Willy-Nilly
She’s so stubborn she’d argue with a stop sign.
Country expression
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Stubbornness
Page 74 of 75
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