Subject: Money (Page 18)

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.

(1918 – 2002) advice columnist
Happiness Life Marriage People Poverty Wealth

Vacation: Two weeks on the sunny sands – and the rest of the year on the financial rocks.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Activities Money Places Time

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Money Science/Weather

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

(1918 – 2007) American humor writer
Government Money Taxes

The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.

(1918 – 1986) American lyricist
Money People Women

Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

Emotions Happiness Money

The chief problem with lower income farmers is poverty.

(1908 – 1979) U.S. vice president & governor (New York)
Misspokements Money

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Money

When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist
Money

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.


Activities Emotions Happiness Money Shopping

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations Things

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money

Saving love doesn't bring any interest.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Love Money

Women who drink white wine either want to get married, sell you a piece of real estate, or redecorate your house; either way, it's expensive.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Money People Women

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Money

Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1952 – ) comedian
Health Money

What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?

cartoon character in, The Simpsons (Harry Shearer)
Money TV/Movie Quotes

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

When you drop change at a vending machine, the pennies will fall nearby, while all the other coins will roll out of sight.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Things