Subject: Money (Page 27)

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Reporter: What did you think about the collective bargaining proposal?

Payton: (making $2,700,000 per year): People would have to cut their lifestyle, and they’d live like penny-pinchers.

professional football coach
Misspokements Money Sports

The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

Mistakes Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Money

Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Friends Money People Young

Keep up with the Grabowskis… you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright
Money Sex

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Happiness Intelligence Money Poverty Wealth

I was having trouble making ends meet, and my beginnings weren't meeting either.

(1924 – 1973) American comic
Money

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work

Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Definitions Money

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Money Situations

The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Family Money Parents Situations

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Emotions England Money People Places Wealth

What the insurance companies have done is to reverse the business so that the public at large insures the insurance companies.


Money

Broke as a whore during lent.

Money Poverty

Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and take three times as long as originally estimated.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

We were so poor, every Christmas Eve my old man would go outside and shoot his gun, then come in and tell us kids Santa Claus had committed suicide.

(1921 – ) American boxing champion
Money Poverty

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem; if you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.

(1892 – 1976) oil industrialist (once world’s richest man)
Money

Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work