Subject: Money (Page 27)

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Reporter: What did you think about the collective bargaining proposal?

Payton: (making $2,700,000 per year): People would have to cut their lifestyle, and they’d live like penny-pinchers.

professional football coach

The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist

Money can’t buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright

Keep up with the Grabowskis… you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs less.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright

The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

I was having trouble making ends meet, and my beginnings weren't meeting either.

(1924 – 1973) American comic

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer

Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, “We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

What the insurance companies have done is to reverse the business so that the public at large insures the insurance companies.


Broke as a whore during lent.

Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and take three times as long as originally estimated.

We were so poor, every Christmas Eve my old man would go outside and shoot his gun, then come in and tell us kids Santa Claus had committed suicide.

(1921 – ) American boxing champion

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem; if you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.

(1892 – 1976) oil industrialist (once world’s richest man)

Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.