Subject: Money (Page 34)

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Rich widows are the only secondhand goods that sell at first-class prices.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Money

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

If you want to be on the upper crust, you need to have a lot of dough.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Money

The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Emotions England Money People Places Wealth

Markets can remain irrational a lot longer than you and I can remain solvent.

American financial analyst & commentator
Money

You’re supposed to spend two months worth of salary on an engagement ring, so when I get engaged, some lucky lady will receive a piece of Life Savers candy.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Marriage Money

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Things

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

(1936 – ) television talk show host
Entertainment Money People Television

President Bush wants to spend $7 billion this year to fight the drug dealers in Colombia… but they only earn $3 billion a year; so why don't we pay them $4 billion a year not to grow the cocaine?

American comedian & writer
Drugs Money Places

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Life Wealth Work

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime Money

The wages of sin are unreported.

Money Murphy’s Laws Taxes

I'll tell you why — because, in the unlikely event that we're both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay — that's why I get the dollar more an hour.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian
Money People Women

Jesus saves, Moses invests.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Money

Reparation: Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Money

People try to live within their income so they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can't live within its income.

businessman
Government Money Taxes

I got a $290 parking ticket today… my car only cost $240.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Autos Money Things

Scientists who dislike the restraints of highly organized research like to remark that a truly great research worker needs only three pieces of equipment – a pencil, a piece of paper, and a brain… but they quote this maxim more often at academic banquets than at budget hearings.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Even if you gave him poison he wouldn't die until he'd recovered the deposit on the bottle.

Frugal Money