Subject: Money (Page 34)

A consultant is someone who, when hired to find out what time it is, borrows your watch to find out.

Money Murphy’s Laws

We were so poor a robber once broke into our house and we ended up robbing the robber.

American football player
Football Money Poverty Sports

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Characteristics Men People Wealth

Americans are getting stronger; twenty years ago it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries… today, a five-year-old can do it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Money

When we played, World Series checks meant something; now all they do is screw up your taxes.

American baseball pitcher & announcer
Baseball Money Sports

Invest in inflation… it’s the only thing going up.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Money

You never want the one you can afford.

Money Murphy’s Laws

Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1952 – ) comedian
Health Money

No project was ever completed on time and within budget.

Money Murphy’s Laws Time

Thrift: Common sense applied to spending.

Definitions Money

When you pass the buck, don't ask for change.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Money Situations

You might be a redneck if… you think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Money People Rednecks

Price: Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Money

Poverty is the step-mother of genius.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Intelligence Money

It was all the wolf could do to keep us away from his door.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Animals Money Poverty

People are still willing to do an honest day's work; the trouble is they want a week's pay for it.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Money Time Work

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

The chief problem with lower income farmers is poverty.

(1908 – 1979) U.S. vice president & governor (New York)
Misspokements Money

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones who never have it.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist
Life Money People

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

Expenditure rises to meet income.

Money Murphy’s Laws