Subject: People (Page 102)

Old people love to give good advice; it compensates them for their inability to set a bad example.

(1613 – 1680) French writer
Age Intelligence Old People

I went to the doctor and said, “Doc, every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, I throw up. What’s wrong?” The doctor said, “I don’t know, but your eyesight is perfect.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Ugly

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible.

(1901 – 1978) anthropologist
Men People Women

The English think incompetence is the same thing as sincerity.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Characteristics England People Places

A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer
People Women

The trouble with Ian [Fleming] is that he gets off with women because he can’t get on with them.

(1901 – 1990) British novelist
Insults People Women

You might be a redneck if… the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

Henry Kissinger may be a great writer, but anyone finishes his book is definitely a great reader.

(1952 – ) American writer & biographer
Communication People Reading/Writing

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.


Memory Murphy’s Laws People Problems Situations

Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Emotions Women

To know him was to like him; not to know him was to love him.

(1884 – 1947) Jewish American lyricist
Insults People

I’m like an iPhone, it’s going to be worse versions of this every year, plus I get super hot in the middle of the afternoon for no reason.

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Self

Hedda Hopper: How do you know so much about men?

West: Baby, I went to night school.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Education Men People School

Fish and visitors smell in three days.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals People Time

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command… very often, that person is crazy.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Problems

My girlfriend say’s that I’m afraid of commitment… well she’s not my girlfriend… more a wife.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Girlfriends Marriage Relationships Wives

I think the Japanese are smart people – stereotypically so.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian
Intelligence People

To err is human; to loaf, Parisian.

(1802 – 1885) French writer
People Places Work

They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different.

English football player & manager
Misspokements People Sports

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Books Communication Self