Subject: People (Page 33)

One out of three hundred and twelve Americans is a bore, for instance, and a healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people’s patience.

Murphy’s Laws People

Many persons have difficulty remembering what President Franklin Pierce is best remembered for, and he is therefore probably best forgotten.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
People

A fool and his money is a friend indeed.

Fools Friends Intelligence Money People

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake; I feel better already!

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Food/Drink Self

You might be a redneck if… you got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

For weeks I’ve been telling him not to buy anything for my birthday, and he still forgot to bring me something.

People Self

If it wasn't for white people, who would play lead guitar?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Music People

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.

(1863 – 1941) U.S. senator (California) & U.S. Secretary of the Treasury
Intelligence People Stupidity

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Emotions People

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Mind Self TV/Movie Quotes

Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
People Yogi-isms

I think the British have the distinction above all other nations of being able to put new wine into old bottles without bursting them.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Food/Drink People Places

A loafer always has the correct time.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People

It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten; they're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

(1930 – 1977) German teacher
Intelligence People

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
Fools Intelligence Money People

If Jesus can walk on water can he swim on land?

American comedian
People

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Government People Politicians

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People