Subject: People (Page 50)

There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like; avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.

(1934 – ) English actress
Friends People

Every time I sew a button back onto a shirt, there are then two solid minutes where I sincerely believe I would've survived the Oregon Trail.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
People Self

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Appearance Clothing Education People

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.


People

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self

Don't keep a man guessing too long… he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People

You mean there aren't enough people mad at me already?

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
People Self

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?

Melvin: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

(1937 – ) American actor
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you.

American comedian & television host
People Situations Things

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Activities Girls People School Sex

A woman scorned is a woman who quickly learns her way around a courtroom.

(1950 – ) Australian actress
People Women

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Men People Women

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Self

Everything you see, I owe to spaghetti.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Appearance Body Food/Drink Self

The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Mistakes People Self Speech

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him.

(1920 – ) Hungarian writer
Emotions Laughter People Self

You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Intelligence People

[With women] it’s like God made a little package; it’s all tucked in with hospital corners and stuff; and with men, it’s like God started to make a bow, and the phone rang.

(1969 – ) American stand-up comedian & actress
Men People Women

This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People

Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Money People

I’ve performed for twelve presidents… and entertained six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment People Self