Subject: People (Page 63)

This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Men People

I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Animals Money People

If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Things

It is well-known what a middleman is; he is a man who bamboozles one party and plunders the other.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics People

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.

(1924 – 1984) American author
Occupations People Places Work

Women… if they're not turning down your proposals for marriage, they're accusing you of suspicious behavior in the women's lingerie changing room.

(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur
TV/Movie Quotes Women

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying… Caution Wide Load.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body Girls Women

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Age Death Life Misspokements Old People Time

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Age People Relationships Women

The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.

People

Television is the triumph of machine over people.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Entertainment People Television

I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, OK, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Intelligence People Women

A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.

(1875 – 1955) German writer
People

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Conflict Fights Individuals People Ugly

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Success Women

You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Places Rednecks

You know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Characteristics Entertainment People

There are girls who manage to sell themselves, whom no one would take as gifts.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Girls People Women