Subject: People » Self (Page 6)

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Dating People Relationships Self Sex

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady
Characteristics People Self

The hands on my biological clock are giving me the finger.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Age People Self Time

It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenics just because she lives in your body.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Health People Self

I’m fairly certain that the only reason I was born crippled was because God knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to become a stripper.

American comedian
Health People Self

I play sports…no I don’t… what the f**k?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Self Sports

When people ask me what sign I was born under, I say "I'm not certain, but it could have been the one that says 'Dining Car in opposite direction'."

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Communication People Self

Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Self Time

You might recognize me… I'm the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
People Self

I’m not the type who wants to go back to the land… I’m the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
People Self Situations

I can't sing, but I know how to, which is quite different.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment Self

There is no ‘I’ in self-esteem.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Characteristics Self

One year they asked me to be poster boy – for birth control.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance People Self Situations

Some people are widely read – I'm thinly read.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Intelligence People Reading/Writing Self

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me; then he said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ I said, ‘I am.

(1973 – ) American comedian
People Self Situations

I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
People Self Sports

Every time I breathe, they like, ‘Why you breathing so hard?'…So I can live!


Appearance Fat Self

I'm bald, blind and pale… I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

You know how growing up we all had that voice inside our head that tells us we’re not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school.

(1970 – ) American actress
Family Mothers People Self TV/Movie Quotes

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else’s.

(John Bloom) (1953 – ) American film critic, writer & actor
People Self Things

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Death People Self Situations