Subject: People » Self (Page 6)

If I had my life to live over, I wouldn't have time.

(1936 – 1992) singer, songwriter, musician & actor

Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else’s.

(John Bloom) (1953 – ) American film critic, writer & actor

Sophia Loren plays peasants; I play ladies.

(1927 – ) Italian actress & photojournalist

I have everything now I had twenty years ago – except now it’s lower.

(1911 – 1970) American burlesque entertainer, actress, author & playwright

If there are any of you at the back who do not hear me, please don't raise your hands because I am also nearsighted.


(1907 – 1973) poet & critic

If I like it, I say it's mine; if don’t I say it's a fake.

(1881 – 1973) Spanish painter, sculptor, printmaker & stage designer

I was the class podiatrist… I never made it to class clown.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

Patriotism is the conviction that your country is superior to all others because you were born in it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Even at school they thought I had special powers; what was the phrase… ‘Constant super-vision.’

(1964 – ) English comedian

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

In elementary school, I made an ashtray for Dad… it caught fire.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer

Our ego is our silent partner – too often with a controlling interest.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter

My doctor said, 'I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The good news is you don’t have premenstrual syndrome; the bad news is… you’re a bitch!'

(1949 – ) American actress & comedian

Frasier: I’ve been taking stock of myself.

Carla: Not exactly AT&T, is it?

(1948 – ) American actress

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

Most of the time I don’t have much fun; the rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

I’m a typical Capricorn; I’m hardworking, loyal, sometimes stubborn and I don’t believe in astrology.

(1974 – ) American Internet entrepreneur

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

They finally found one.

British ski jumper

When I was born my father spent three weeks trying to find a loophole in my birth certificate.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor