Subject: People » Women (Page 10)

Guys are like dogs… they keep coming back… ladies are like cats; yell at a cat one time… they’re gone.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist

I want to be the fastest woman in the world… in a manner of speaking.

American woman drag racer

A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

Why women don’t blink during foreplay… not enough time.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Women want to be treated as equals, not sequels.

(1958 – ) Australian author

A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

I'll tell you why — because, in the unlikely event that we're both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay — that's why I get the dollar more an hour.

(1968 – ) American stand-up comedian

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.

(1955– ) writer & screenwriter

A homely face and no figure have aided many women heavenward.

(1861 – 1950) American writer

Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later, and for another thing, they die earlier.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace, which I think is fine, cause if we didn’t make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

A homeless guy asked me for 2 pounds, so I gave him 1.67 because that’s what a woman would get paid for doing the same job.

British comedian

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight; when a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind.

Behind every great man there lies a great woman… and one in front of him as well if he’s lucky.

(1967 – ) English comedian

America is a land where men govern, but women rule.

(1900 – 1969) American drama critic & author

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist