Subject: People » Women (Page 15)

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.

American comedian

If a woman likes another woman, she's cordial; if she doesn't like her, she's very cordial.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist

The problem with women in an orchestra is that if they’re attractive it will upset my players and if they’re not it will upset me.

(1879 – 1961) English conductor

You drive the car, you don't carry it.

American woman auto racer

There is no such thing as an unattached woman.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

About age 30 most women think about having children, most men think about dating them.

American comedian & motivational speaker

Women should be obscene and not heard.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

My wife is a sex object; every time I ask for sex, she objects.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian

No man knows more about women than I do… and I know nothing.

(1871 – 1949) British actor, playwright, screenwriter, manager & producer

Women aren't as mere as they used to be.

(1913 – 1973) American animator & cartoonist (Pogo)

If it's a man's world, then I'm glad I'm a girl.

(1958 – ) American singer & songwriter

A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women – one cleaning and the other dusting.

Australian comedian & actress

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director

When a guy writes a scene where a woman does a deviant sex act on camera, it’s objectifying; but when a woman writes it, it’s feminism.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian

I know when (women) don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand math.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer

During the feminist seventies men were caught between a rock and a hard-on; in the fathering eighties they are caught between good hugs and bad hugs.

(1936 – ) novelist, essayist & columnist