Subject: Places (Page 11)

I'm from one of those places where the whole number system consists of one, two and a shitload.

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Education Places

We have in England a curious belief in first-rate people, meaning all the people we do not know; and this consoles us for the undeniable second-rateness of the people we do know.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Characteristics England People Places

You could go out at four in the morning, after a nuclear bomb destroys the entire eastern seaboard, and the Triborough Bridge would be jammed.

(1960 – ) American comedian
New York City Places

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Cold Places Science/Weather

Living in L.A. is like not having a date on Saturday night.

(1946 – ) American actress
Places

In America, you watch Big Brother; in Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Places Science/Weather Things

The old English belief that if a thing is unpleasant it is automatically good for you.

(1908 – 1986) English cartoonist, author, art critic & stage designer
England Places

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

In America, your work determines your marks; in Soviet Russia, Marx determines your work!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places

The town was so small the Entering and Leaving signs were on the same pole.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Places

You always find something in the last place you look.

Murphy’s Laws Places Things

New Jersey is to America as America is to the world.

(1977 – ) American television producer, writer & comedian
America Emotions Places World

Never, ever, fly on the airline of the country from which you are departing.

Murphy’s Laws Places Travel

The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America Appearance Government Places President

Canada is all right really, though not for the whole weekend.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Canada Places

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Food/Drink New York City Places

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
America Insults People

I like Mexico; it’s so… Mexican.

(1908 – 1990) American actress
Places TV/Movie Quotes

Part-Time Woman Wanted: What a country… even transvestites can get work.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places

One of these days the people of Louisiana are going to get good government – and they aren’t going to like it.

(1893 – 1935) U.S. governor & senator (Louisiana)
Government Places