Subject: Places (Page 17)

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
America Places

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

We might as well give them ours, we aren’t using it.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
America Places

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Places

Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics People World

Americans are like the straight, white man of cultures.

(1978 – ) Australian comedian, writer & actress
America People Places

There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting.

(1797 – 1856) German critic & poet
Art England Entertainment Food/Drink Insults Places

China has a population of a billion people; that means even if you’re a one-in-a-million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Characteristics People Places

There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Places

Toronto is a kind of New York operated by the Swiss.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Places

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
America Places Work

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Education Murphy’s Laws Places School

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children People Places

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain.

(1880 – 1916) Irish economist, barrister, writer, soldier & politician
Places

If you live to be ninety in England and can still eat a boiled egg they think you deserve the Nobel Prize.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Age England Old Places

We do not go in for philosophy in this country… we have our own system… it’s called wondering.

(1968 – ) English comedian & television personality
England Places

The town had the coldest temperature in all the contagious states.

America Malaprops Places

There are only two occasions when Americans respect privacy, especially in presidents; those are prayer and fishing.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian
America Characteristics Situations

I might just fade into Bolivian, you know what I mean?

(1966 – ) American boxing champion
Malaprops Places

In America, you watch Big Brother; in Soviet Russia, Big Brother watches you!

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
America Places