Subject: Places (Page 20)

My parents were English; we were too poor to be British.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
England Places

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above… so I never have to go upstairs.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places

We’re the greatest country on Earth except when it comes to getting shit done.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America Places

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places Science/Weather

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Entertainment People Places

Take a cruise down to the Virgin’s Island.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Places

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination.

(1912 – 2006) Romanian-born Canadian writer
Canada Insults

What To Do When the Russians Come: A Survivor’s Guide

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Book Titles Places

If you did manage to get any good shots, they will be ruined when someone inadvertently opens the darkroom door and all of the dark leaks out.

Murphy’s Laws Places

I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate; all the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with.

(1957 – ) American actor, comedian, writer & director
Places

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Autos New York City Situations

That is what has made America last these past 200 centuries.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
America Misspokements Places

Summer camp is where the parents spend a thousand dollars so their daughter can learn to make a fifty-cent potholder.

Definitions Places

You might be a redneck if… you’re banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Places Rednecks

I was so poor… in my neighborhood, the rainbow was in black and white!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Money Places Poverty

We went to Alaska once and they made us honorary Alaskans. Then we went to Hawaii and they made us honorary Hawaiians. We're going to the Virgin Islands this year.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Basketball Places Sports

I’m from Los Angeles… I don’t trust any air I can’t see.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Places

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Places

I know I've got a lock on the Dutch Hall of Fame.

Dutch-born American baseball pitcher
Baseball Places Sports

Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Places

He (Robert Benchley) and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Places