Subject: Places (Page 37)

The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country; the study has a margin of error of 100 percent.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Places

Russian Communism is the illegitimate child of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great.

(1883 – 1967) British prime minister & politician
Government Places

The French drink to get loosened up for an event, to celebrate and event, and even to recover from an event.

French commission of alcoholism
Alcohol Food/Drink People Places

I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death People Places

Do people in Australia, call the rest of the world, "Up Over"?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Places Speech

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
People Places Travel

I dropped out of West Point to become a comedian… probably the greatest service I will ever do for my country.

(1955 – ) American comedian
America Entertainment Places

It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first thing you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime Places

I asked the Scottish Football Association if San Marino was a republic or a principality; they said it was a technicality.

Scottish football commentator
Insults Places

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Money Places Wealth

Beware of gifts bearing Greeks.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
People Places Things

Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75; walked back out in the street – genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Money New York City Places

Loving Chicago is like loving a woman with a broken nose.

(1909 – 1981) writer
Emotions Love Places

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

If you live in Birmingham [England], then being awake is not necessarily a desirable state.


Insults Places

You can go home again – you just can’t stay there.

Murphy’s Laws Places

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Places Situations

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Family People Places

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
America Places

A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe.

(1920 – 2004) Canadian author, television personality & journalist
People Places Sex Things

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Government People Places Politicians