Subject: Places (Page 37)

L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson – and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Places Success

I don’t know why I should have to learn Algebra… I’m never likely to go there.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading; nobody does it so why talk about it?

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
England People Places Sex

Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell; the other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love.

(1945 – ) American country/folk musician & song writer
Beliefs Life Places Religion Sex

I asked the barmaid for a quickie; the man next to me said, 'It's pronounced quiche.'


Communication Food/Drink Places Speech

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
America Elections/Voting Government Places

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Science/Weather

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

Disneyland is Vegas for children.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor
Places

The Irish people do not gladly suffer common sense.

(1878 – 1957) Irish poet, author, athlete & politician
Intelligence People Places

President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed Thursday on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India. And, in exchange, India would take all our jobs.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Places TV/Movie Quotes

All great change in America begins at the dinner table.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
America Places

I can’t listen to that much Wagner… I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Entertainment Music Places War

I was well warned about English food, so it did not surprise me, but I do wonder sometimes, how they ever manage to prise [lever] it up long enough to get a plate under it.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
England Food/Drink Insults Places

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
America Government Places Politics

No matter how many times I visit this great city I'm always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxi cab.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Places

You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Places Rednecks

Without geography you're nowhere.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Places Science/Weather

Beverly Hills is so exclusive… their fire department won’t make house calls.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Hollywood Places

A bunch of people in New York said, “Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough… let’s go west.”

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Places

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold, I almost got married.

(1920 – 2006) American actress
Cold England Places Science/Weather