Subject: Problems (Page 15)

Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

Fuses never blow during daylight hours.
Corollary: Only after fuses blow do you discover the flashlight batteries are dead and you’re out of candles, or matches, or both.

Murphy’s Laws Problems

If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Problems

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

Accidents Definitions Problems

Everything will go wrong at one time.

Corollary: That time is always when you least expect it.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Indecision may or may not be my problem.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Characteristics Intelligence Problems

We still… cannot catch Osama bin Laden, but we nailed Martha Stewart's ass to the wall.

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Failure Government Law People

If most auto accidents happen within five miles of home, why don’t we move ten miles away?

Accidents Autos Problems Things

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Marriage Problems Shopping Wives

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Failure Problems Situations

The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

The easiest way to solve a problem is to pick an easy one.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Problems

Well, I screwed it up real good, didn't I?

(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Mistakes People Problems Self

Trying is just the first step toward failure.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Failure TV/Movie Quotes

I had slumps that lasted into the winter.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Failure Self Sports

The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the number and significance of any persons watching it.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) – unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).

Accidents Murphy’s Laws Things

If at first you don't succeed, try try again… then quit; there's no use being a damn fool about it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Failure Situations Success