Subject: Relationships (Page 16)

[Kerry is trying to figure out how to break up with Kyle] Bridget: Just use the line I use when I break up with a guy.

Kerry: “I’m only seventeen, you’ll go to jail”?

(1979 – ) American actress
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.

American comedian
Men Relationships Sex Women

I just want somebody who gets me. Somebody who’s comfortable in my world, and makes me laugh, and occasionally brings me flowers. And… somebody who likes kittens, and the hard-core bondage scene.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

There’s always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it’s my wife’s aerobics instructor.

comedian
Education Relationships

It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party.

(1957 – ) English novelist, essayist & screenwriter
Entertainment Music Relationships

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People Relationships

I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Friends People Relationships Success Young

My husband and I have a monotonous relationship.

Malaprops Relationships

Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

(1907 – 1987) American journalist & author
Animals Relationships

You treat my daughter with respect – you buy her breakfast if she puts out.

American comedian & writer
Relationships Sex

Secretary: It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.

Field’s reply: Yes, it is, very hard… it’s almost impossible.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Death Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

What are answering machines for if not to break up with someone who bores you?

American playwright, television writer & author
Relationships Things

I'm glad I'm not bisexual… I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

(1930 – 2007) English comedian & nightclub owner
People Relationships

Maybe you're only allotted a certain amount of tears per man and I’ve used mine up.

(1965 – ) American actress, model, singer & producer
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

Eventually soul mates meet, for they have the same hiding place.

American writer
People Relationships

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Dating Money

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Men People Relationships Women

My family isn’t really Italian; we’re more like Olive Garden Italian.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Family Relationships

Elaine, breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life.

Canadian comedian & actor
Relationships Situations

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers; good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

(1952 – ) comedian
Mothers Relationships