Subject: Sex (Page 8)

I have this! Are you interested?

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ … that wasn’t a very nice postcard to receive.

comedian & writer

There's only one thing wrong with wife swapping… you get another wife.

writer, website creator

Suzanne, if sex were fast food, there’d be an arch over your bed!

(1939 – 2010) American actress

Sex is a pleasurable exercise in plumbing, but be careful or you'll get yeast in your drain tap.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter

Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.

(1889 – 1963) French poet, novelist, playwright, artist & filmmaker

Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.

(1947 – ) American author, teacher & social critic

I don’t care for sex; I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise; I prefer sports, where you can win.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian

Don't cook… don’t clean; no man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

How tall are you cowboy?
I’m six feet and seven inches, ma’am.
Let’s forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Abstinence makes the heart go wander.

Someone asked me recently – what would I rather give up, food or sex; neither! … I'm not falling for that one again, Wife!

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Money… was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.

(1924 – 1987) American novelist, writer, playwright, poet & civil rights activist

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

It's common courtesy; he's doing most of the work; you've got to encourage him.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I lost my virginity so late, that when it finally happened, I wasn’t so much deflowered as deadheaded.

(1980 – ) English comedian & writer

My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]; men know it’s there, but they don’t want to visit.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

Not nearly as exciting as it would be if I were acknowledged as one of the greatest lays in the world.

(1925 – 2006) American actress