Subject: Situations (Page 27)

No matter… the dead bird does not leave the nest.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Appearance Clothing Situations

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Situations

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?

cartoon character, created by Hank Ketcham (1920 – 2001)
Problems Situations

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Situations

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations

I was planning on my future as a homeless person… I had a really good spot picked out.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Situations

Opportunity only knocks once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.

(1949 – ) English-born Australian musician, writer, actor, composer & record producer
Situations

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.

(1953 – ) American baseball player
Situations Sports

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

I almost broke both my arms trying to hold open a revolving door for a woman.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Communication Situations Speech

I’m not yet desperate enough to do anything about the conditions which are driving me to desperation.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Situations

Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.

Life Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Entertainment Government Situations

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Situations

Better sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunken Christian.

(1819 – 1891) American novelist, essayist & poet
People Situations

If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.


Murphy’s Laws Situations

It's good to know that if I behave strangely enough, society will take full responsibility for me.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Situations

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Situations Time