Subject: Situations (Page 28)

If a situation requires undivided attention, it will occur simultaneously with a compelling distraction.


Murphy’s Laws Situations

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Situations Time

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Pour him out of here!

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Alcohol Situations

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Individuals People Situations

My love life is like a fairy tale – it's grim.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Love Sex Situations

Nothing is impossible; some things are just less likely than others.

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Situations

There are no exceptions to the rule that everybody likes to be an exception to the rule.

(1933 – ) American telejournalist
People Situations

I washed a sock… then I put it in the dryer and when I took it out, it was gone.


Situations

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
People Situations Things

A hotel isn’t like a home, but it’s better than being a house guest.

(1908 – 1976) publisher & author
Places Situations

Last week the candle factory burned down… everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things Work

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Age Old People Situations

Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening… but this wasn't it.

Situations

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Situations Time

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Science/Weather Situations

Question: What goes ‘clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop, BANG BANG’? Answer: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Situations

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

I hope Iman took a good book on the honeymoon.

Sex Situations

My sister was with two men in one night… she could hardly walk after that; can you imagine – two dinners!

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Relationships Situations