Subject: Sports » Golf (Page 18)

The number of shots taken by an opponent who is out of sight is equal to the square root of the sum of the number of curses heard plus the number of swishes.

(1927 – ) British journalist & author
Golf Sports

I played golf. I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. … you're supposed to yell, Fore! but I was too busy yelling, “There ain't no way that's gonna hit him!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Golf Sports

Swing hard in case you hit it.

(1961 – ) American football player
Golf Sports

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it.

American professional golfer
Golf Sports

I’m having problems with my putting; but it’s the puttee, not the putter.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

If you’d offered me a 69 at the start this morning I’d have been all over you.

Scottish professional golfer
Golf Misspokements Sports

Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.

Golf Misspokements Sports

80 percent of the balls that don’t reach the hole, don’t go in.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Golf Sports Yogi-isms

There are two things that won’t last long in this world – dogs that chase cars and pros that putt for pars.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer
Golf Sports

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
Golf Sports

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Emotions Golf Laughter Sports

Retire to what?… I'm a golfer and a fisherman; there's nothing to retire to.

professional golfer
Golf Sports

I may be the only golfer never to have broken a single putter; if you don't count the one I twisted and threw into a bush.

American sportswriter
Golf Sports

The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf.

Appearance Body Golf Murphy’s Laws Sports

Golf is not a game, it’s bondage; it was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.

Golf Sports

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Golf Sports

Golf: An ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an inaccessible hole with instruments ill-adapted to the purpose.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Golf Sports

I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I make the putt.

Spanish professional golfer
Golf Sports

You can’t lose an old golf ball.

Golf Murphy’s Laws Sports