Subject: Sports (Page 99)

The only way I'm going to get a Gold Glove is with a can of spray paint.

professional baseball player
Baseball Sports

Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings.

(1941 – ) columnist, commentator & editor
Football Sports

I don't think he'd even be happy with ice cream right now.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

Always remember: golf clubs don’t float.

Golf Sports

Finish last in your league and they call you idiot; finish last in medical school and they call you doctor.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors Health Occupations Sports Work

I'll do anything to keep from working for a living; if I've gotta fight a circus bear, then let's get the drawers on him and get it on!

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

You don’t like to see hookers going down on players like that.

New Zealand rugby player & commentator
Misspokements Sports

That picture was taken out of context.

professional baseball player
Misspokements Sports

Place-kickers aren't footballers, they're hired feet.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator
Football Sports

When Charlie Finley had his heart operation it took eight hours…. seven just to find his heart.

professional baseball pitcher
Baseball Insults Sports

It's kind of like tumbling around inside a giant clothes-drier.

American motorcycle racer
Sports

I don’t live in the fast lane – I live on the off ramp.

(1925 – 1990) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Hockey Life Sports

Next up is Fernando Gonzales, who is not playing tonight.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

Ninety feet between bases is perhaps as close a man has ever come to perfection.

(1905–1982) American sportswriter
Baseball Sports

Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field.

(1936 – ) American football coach & television announcer
Football Misspokements Sports

Speed has never killed anyone – suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you.

English broadcaster, journalist & writer
Auto racing Sports

I'd spend six months behind bars to have him on my team.

Canadian hockey player & broadcaster
Hockey Sports

The place was so empty, they could have had archery practice.

American football coach
Football Sports

Most people play a fair game of golf… if you watch them.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Golf Sports

Harmon Killebrew has enough power to hit home runs in any park – including Yellowstone.

American professional baseball player, manager & executive
Baseball Sports

Eating will now be an entirely new ball game. I might have to buy a new pair of trousers.

English jockey
Appearance Eating Sports