Subject: Things » Autos (Page 4)

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Autos Things

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Autos Things

I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio… I don’t understand a word they’re saying.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places Things

The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

I've got to tell you, that's a gorgeous four-and-a-half hour drive in from the airport.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Places

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Autos Intelligence Stupidity Things

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor
Autos People Things Women

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Driving Fools Intelligence Things

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Autos Dogs Things

Nothing that I know can help you with your car… ever… unless you’re like: “Hey I’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about the “Cosby Show”?’

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Autos Things

People will accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Autos Driving Things

I put a new engine in my car, but didn’t take the old one out and now my car goes 500 miles an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

The better the four-wheel drive, the further away you'll be when you get stuck.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Whenever you need to stop at a light to put on makeup, every light will be green.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
America Autos People Places

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Autos Things

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.

American entrepreneur & author
Autos Money Things

When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio; if all the stations are rock ‘n’ roll, there’s a good chance the transmission is shot.

(1940 – ) American radio disc jockey
Autos Entertainment Music Things