Subject: Things (Page 26)

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Things

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

Children and [zippers] do not respond to force… except occasionally.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Children Family Things

I took my headlights out and put strobe lights in; now when I drive at night it looks like I am the only one that is moving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Things

I play the harmonica, but only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Music Things

I hate women because they always know where things are.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
People Things Women

Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.

(1980 – ) cartoonist
Education School Things

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports Things

The cussedness of inanimate objects is beyond understanding.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Byrne's Law: In any electrical circuit, appliances and wiring will burn out to protect fuses.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

I love that smell of the emissions!

(1964 – ) U.S. governor (Alaska) commentator & author
Things

Harp: A piano in the nude.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

Ninety percent of “everything” is crud.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

When Solomon said there was a time and a place for everything he had not encountered the problem of parking his automobile.

(1947 – ) radio broadcaster & host
Autos Situations Things

You might be a redneck if… you think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Places Rednecks Things

The fewer functions any device is required to perform, the more perfectly it can perform those functions.

Murphy’s Laws Things

Bought an ant farm the other day… them fellas didn’t grow shit.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Situations Things

I once locked my keys out of my car… I had to break out of my car with a coat hanger.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Situations Things

Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.

Murphy’s Laws Things

What a stupid car – that's like having a Rolex clock radio.

comedian
Autos Things