Subject: Work (Page 16)

When we’re unemployed, we’re called lazy; when the whites are unemployed, it’s called a depression.

(1941 – ) American civil rights activist & Baptist minister
People Situations Work

My boss told me to get my butt in gear… I told him I was shiftless.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Communication Language Work

There are two essential rules of management:
One: the customer is always right.
Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Work

An actor is the kind of guy who, if you ain't talking about him, ain't listening.

(1910 – 1984) American film producer & publicist
Acting Entertainment Occupations

Incompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed. And naturally the individual’s staff needs will increase as his level of incompetence increases.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Judge: Mr Smith, you must not direct the jury. What do you suppose I am on the bench for?

Smith: It is not for me, your honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable workings of Providence.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Law Occupations Work

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Death Work

There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Entertainment Work

Nature abhors a vacuum… and so do I.

American cartoonist & greeting card illustrator
Housework Situations Things Work

Success means only doing what you do well, letting someone else do the rest.

Murphy’s Laws Success Work

The only reason people work for airlines is because the Nazi party is no longer hiring.

(1983 – ) American comedian
Occupations Work

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations

He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
People Work

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Writing is the hardest way of earning a living, with the possible exception of wrestling alligators.

(1918 - 2002) American author
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

I used to work for a living, then I became an actor.

(1927 – ) English actor
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work

I think that’s what they call professional courtesy.

(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer
Occupations

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Housework Work

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.

(1828 – 1910) Russian writer
Occupations Work

An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.

(1892 – 1984) American publisher
Occupations Work