Subject: Work (Page 16)

The accessibility, during recovery of small parts which fall from the work bench, varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its importance to the completion of the work underway.

Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher

Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday… how you doing… no worries next.”

(1964 – ) English comedian

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host

Anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of a task will invariably protest that more resources are needed.

Good Old Days: A block of time which ended a week before you were hired.

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

1. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
2. Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
3. If at first you don't succeed, try something else.

History repeats itself; historians repeat one another.

(1887 – 1915) English poet

All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

No real English gentleman, in his secret soul, was ever sorry for the death of a political economist.

(1826 – 1877) English economist & journalist

Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix’ that's why he's never worked.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

If a man smiles all the time he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: air conditioning… problem solved.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.