Author: Anonymous Page 103

You can dish it out, but you can't take it with you.

Mixed metaphors

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

Definitions Government Politicians

Obscenity is whatever gives the judge an erection.

Law Sex

Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.

Definitions Work

Apple: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.

Definitions Food/Drink

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

“The roof is about to collapse”, Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

I won’t miss it one aorta!

Malaprops

Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Communication Definitions Speech

Sprouts: Innocent green plants snatched in their infancy and devoured alive by ravenous vegetarians.

Definitions Food/Drink

If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

Animals Food/Drink

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

“Ignore the first three turnings,” directed Tom forthrightly.

Tom Swifties