Author: Anonymous Page 119

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

Entertainment Malaprops

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health

Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.

Beliefs

I'm bone empty.

Mixed metaphors

Deep pockets… short arms

Expressions

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.

Tom Swifties

“All right, I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume,” the warden consented.

Tom Swifties

A leopard can't change his stripes.

Mixed metaphors

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

If the baby is happy, don’t try to make it happier.

Family Proverbs

Cemetery: A place people are dying to get into.

Definitions

Fortune teller: Séance fiction.

Definitions

“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.

Tom Swifties

Can’t act… slightly bald… also dances.

Acting Dance Entertainment

Do not argue with an idiot; he/she will drag you down to his/her level and beat you with experience.

Fools Intelligence People

Married at the hip

Mixed metaphors

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

Critic: One quick-on-the-flaw.

Definitions Occupations

It is better to be on penicillin, than never to have loved at all.

Emotions Love