Author: Anonymous Page 119

Hospital: A place where people who are run down wind up..

Definitions

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

Communication Marriage Speech Wives

“I presented my case to the judge,” Tom said briefly.

Tom Swifties

One way to get a real kick out of bridge is to sit opposite your wife.

Activities Games

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

It’s time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

Tom Swifties

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Nepotism: A form of favoritism – relatively speaking.

Definitions Family

“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.

Tom Swifties

Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around?

Insults

Teachers: United Mind Workers.

Definitions Education Wordplay

Good punctuation means not to be late.

Malaprops Time

“Has the bear gone away?” asked Tom intently.

Tom Swifties