Author: Anonymous Page 139

Conference: An organized way of postponing a decision.

Definitions

One brain washes the other.

Malaprops

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol Food/Drink

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Definitions Wordplay

Is this a whole nother bucket of worms?

Mixed metaphors

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

From that book suppository building…

Malaprops

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

Situations

“I’ll get you out of prison in no time,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Tom Swifties

Even a spotted pig looks black at night.

Expressions Situations

He had to use a fire distinguisher.

Malaprops

Heir Cut: Disinheritance.

Definitions

Take a flying hike.

Mixed metaphors

Profanity: The father tongue.

Communication Definitions Language Speech

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Genealogist: One who traces your family history back as far as your money will go. 

Definitions Family

Communism: The cause that suppresses.

Definitions