Author: Anonymous Page 141

Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.

Definitions Entertainment Television

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

Life is a box of cherries.

Mixed metaphors

Minister: A travel agent for the straight and narrow.

Definitions

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

Bigamist: A man who keeps two himself.

Definitions Marriage

Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.

Definitions Work

… just to relieve the monopoly.

Malaprops Situations

She’s suffering from a detached rectum.

Malaprops

Never let a gift horse in the house.

Malaprops

If you would like to get your wife’s attention – just look comfortable!.

Marriage Wives

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

Executive Ability: The art of getting the credit for all the hard work that somebody else does.

Definitions Work

If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!

Beliefs Insults Opinion

“I’ve deduced that this is the right way,” said Tom pathologically.

Tom Swifties

Out of the frying pan, into a handbasket.

Mixed metaphors

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

“We just struck oil!” Tom gushed.

Tom Swifties

An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original.

Ideas Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

“The situation is grave,” Tom said cryptically.

Tom Swifties

I'd like to be a fish on the wall at that meeting.

Mixed metaphors