Author: Anonymous Page 24

Fiddling with his guitar

Mixed metaphors

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Tom Swifties

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

Democracy Government Taxes

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.

Malaprops

Raining like a sieve

Mixed metaphors

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions

Harder’n baptizing a cat.

Expressions

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Definitions

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?

Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

The early bird gathers no moss.

Mixed metaphors

“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.

Tom Swifties

My girlfriend says that she thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover, but she hasn’t been able to catch him at it!

Marriage Sex

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mixed metaphors

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and chase the rider.

Expressions Food/Drink

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Expressions Marriage

There’s no future in time travel.

Activities Future Past Time Travel

He smokes like a fish.

Mixed metaphors