Author: Anonymous Page 24

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.

Malaprops Places

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Definitions

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Frugal Money

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.

Tom Swifties

I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.

Sports

Monarch: A king with a good publicity man.

Definitions

“I haven’t had my photographs developed yet,” said Tom negatively.

Tom Swifties

I'm a nervous basket.

Mixed metaphors

The United Nations is a good idea, but it’s a pity they have to have so many foreigners in it.

Government People

… forced to wade through a mountain of red tape

Mixed metaphors

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Conflict Crime Definitions

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

Age Exaggerations Old

Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Definitions Food/Drink

There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.

Communication Health Language

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Body Definitions