Author: Anonymous Page 24

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

Credit: A commodity that becomes better the less it is used.

Definitions

It's hard to catch lightning in a bottle twice.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Now, how can I trick Sidney?” Tom considered.

Tom Swifties

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s my maid’s night off,” said Tom helplessly.

Tom Swifties

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Absentee: A missing golfing peg.

Definitions Golf Sports

Everybody had some antidotes to tell.

Malaprops Speech

“The vegetables are overcooked!” she steamed.

Tom Swifties

Neighbors: People who live near you, who are never around when you need to borrow power tools or jumper cables, but who are everywhere when you are having a heated argument with your spouse.

Definitions People

I wouldn't trust him with my bargepole.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

We are just scratching the tip of the iceberg.

Mixed metaphors

“So, it’s a duel you want!” Tom shot back.

Tom Swifties

Hot Pants: Breeches of promise.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics