Author: Anonymous Page 3

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Definitions People

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Definitions People

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

It was so cold… the kids at school were using flannel notebooks.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.

Science/Weather

Niagara Falls: The bride’s second great disappointment.

Definitions Places Sex

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Time

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

“This steamroller is amazing,” said Tom flatteringly.

Tom Swifties

That e-mail was from Ann On.

Misspokements

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

I suffer from a deviant septum.

Health Malaprops

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

Jim Rosenthal to an American goalie: So what’s an American doing playing in goal for Millwall.

The goalie’s reply: I’m trying to keep the ball out.

Colemanballs

Argument: A discussion where two people try to get the last word in first

Definitions

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

“They had to amputate them both at the ankles,” said Tom defeatedly.

Tom Swifties