Author: Anonymous Page 60

“You must be my host,” Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

He was in cardial arrest.

Health Malaprops

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Tom Swifties

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Definitions Occupations

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

She is so stupid… she can’t make ice without a recipe.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

Definitions Education

It doesn't take rocket appliances.

Intelligence Malaprops

I sink, therefore I swam.

Activities Communication Wordplay

Prejudiced people are all alike.

Characteristics People

They are crumbling at the seams.

Mixed metaphors

It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell.

Expressions Heat Science/Weather

“This movie will be very popular,” Tom projected.

Tom Swifties

The fan is gonna hit the roof.

Mixed metaphors

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

Communication Language Malaprops

There's light at the end of this rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

“I got this ballpoint pen from a Yugoslav friend”, said Tom acerbically.

Tom Swifties

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay