Author: Anonymous Page 78

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

Age Appearance Body People

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.

Mixed metaphors

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

Makes the hair stand up on the edge of my seat

Mixed metaphors

“I wouldn’t like anything but just that,” said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

“Wool is better than cotton,” Tom said sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape; if it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40, if it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape.

Things

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Tom Swifties

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Mistakes Problems

The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.

Characteristics Intelligence

“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.

Tom Swifties

Smoking like a sieve

Mixed metaphors