Author: Anonymous Page 87

“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Intelligence

Penis: Part of the male anatomy which contains the brain.

Body Definitions Men

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Leftovers: Repast history.

Definitions Food/Drink

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

“This fabric is not good enough to make a bolero,” said Tom unravellingly.

Tom Swifties

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

Classical Jazz: Rock of ages.

Definitions Music

Executive Suite: A sugar daddy.

Definitions

“All right – we’ll use a water solution”, Tom acquiesced.

Tom Swifties

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions

“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.

Tom Swifties

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

Petting: The study of anatomy in braille.

Definitions Sex

I never liked him and I always will.

Insults

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors