Author: Anonymous Page 87

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

Politics: Where people work hard to get a job and do nothing after they get it.

Definitions Government Politics

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

“This is the wrong tree,” Tom barked, as he climbed up.

Tom Swifties

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Definitions

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

Which way are the tea leaves blowing?

Mixed metaphors

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

Get two birds stoned at once.

Mixed metaphors

Tips: Wages we pay other people’s help.

Definitions

Dieting: The triumph of mind over platter.

Definitions

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Intelligence

She really stuck her neck out on a limb.

Mixed metaphors

The first known case of a rat joining a sinking ship.

Insults

Cold War: Hot peace.

Conflict Definitions