Author: Bob Hope Page 3

I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old Young

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Fat

Alan Shepard walking on the moon found a golf ball with Gerald Ford’s initials on it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

If he slices the budget like he slices a (golf) ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Government People Sports

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Dating Old

The reason Jack Benny is looking so sad these days is that he’s not only losing a daughter – but losing a deduction too.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Frugal Money

I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Self

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Old

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Money Places Wealth

A triumph for democracy; it proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anybody else.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Elections/Voting Government Money

If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Sports

I like to play in the low 70′s… if it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Golf Sports

Harry had won by such a narrow margin he might not have made it if Bess hadn't voted for her husband.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Elections/Voting Government

Bing (Crosby) doesn't pay income tax; he just calls the government and says, 'How much do you boys need?'

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Money Taxes Wealth

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Government Politics

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal; he's always had an agent do that.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty People Politics

My parents were English; we were too poor to be British.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
England Places

I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw  at me.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Entertainment Food/Drink