Author Bob Hope | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Bob Hope Page 3

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Sports

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that's why the dogs are so fast.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Places Siberia

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Activities Travel Flying

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Entertainment Film Deep Throat

You can always tell when a man’s well-informed… his views are pretty much like yours.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Beliefs Intelligence

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Age Old Birthdays

I ruined my hands in the ring… the referee kept stepping on them.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Football Sports

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Entertainment Film Exaggerations James Cagney

Don't let her fool you; tangle with her and she`ll shingle your attic.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Characteristics Jane Russell

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Beliefs Entertainment Film Opinion Academy Awards

A triumph for democracy; it proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anybody else.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Elections/Voting Government Money On John F. Kennedy’s electoral victory

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Age Appearance Body Fat Middle age

It’s hard to play a guy who rattles his medals while you’re putting.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf People Sports On playing golf with President Eisenhower

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Government President Democrats Unemployment

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Entertainment Applause Of a rough audience

Oscar night at my house is called Passover.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Communication Wordplay Oscars Passover

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Appearance Body Dance People Being a dance instructor Rumba

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Golf Sports Spiro Agnew

Phyllis Diller’s had so many facelifts, there’s nothing left in her shoes.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Appearance Body Face lifts Phyllis Diller Plastic surgery

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.

Bob Hope

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Characteristics Culture Jane Russell

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

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Author: Bob Hope Page 3

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

If you watch a game, it’s fun; if you play it, it’s recreation; if you work at it, it’s golf.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that's why the dogs are so fast.

I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage!

I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe.

You can always tell when a man’s well-informed… his views are pretty much like yours.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

I ruined my hands in the ring… the referee kept stepping on them.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Don't let her fool you; tangle with her and she`ll shingle your attic.

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to see what someone else thinks about their acting besides their press agents.

A triumph for democracy; it proves that a millionaire has just as good a chance as anybody else.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

It’s hard to play a guy who rattles his medals while you’re putting.

The Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem; they're all running for the presidency.

If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they just let you live.

Oscar night at my house is called Passover.

Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies.

You never had to ask his score; just count the casualties.

Phyllis Diller’s had so many facelifts, there’s nothing left in her shoes.

Culture is the ability to describe Jane Russell without moving your hands.